A Christmas Miracle for the Doctor
by Victoria James
Copyright © 2018 by Victoria James. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the Publisher.
Prologue
“I don’t want joint custody anymore.”
Drew Barrett stared at his ex-wife through bloodshot eyes as she stood in the doorway of his penthouse. He’d just fallen asleep after a long night and then morning of emergency surgery in the ER and was in deep sleep before Jill dropped off their daughter, Isabella, unannounced. It was her weekend to have Bella. He looked over his shoulder to make sure their daughter wasn’t within earshot. “What are you talking about?”
Jill’s chin wobbled, and her eyes filled with tears. “I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I can’t do this single parent thing anymore. I think she’d be better off with you. Just you.”
He scraped his hand across his jaw, stubble pricking his palm. “You’re not a single parent. She goes back and forth. We have a nanny. You have a housekeeper. You have a cook. You have staff. You even have your parents as backup.”
She looked up at the ceiling and shook her head, perfectly highlighted blond hair tumbling around her shoulders. Despite this supposed breakdown she was having, she’d managed to take the time to look as though she was ready for a photo shoot. “It’s not the same,” she said, looking at him. He clutched the doorframe and tried to think of anything to convince her that this was just a temporary blip. “You’re overwhelmed with work. It’ll pass. Hang in there.” The fact that he was telling her to hang in there was pretty laughable, but he didn’t like what she was implying right now.
The truth was they could both be better parents. Every parent thought that, he was sure. The only thing they’d ever been able to offer their daughter was material wealth. He worked insanely long hours because he was a talented surgeon—it was a fact and not an exaggeration. He took his job seriously…but he felt it had been at the expense of their daughter. Jill worked because she loved the fame. Together, they were absentee parents.
“Drew, I want my freedom again, you know? I miss it. We’ve been divorced for a year, and I want to get out there again before I’m old.”
He leaned against the doorjamb. “As I remember it, you had no trouble getting out there when you were married with a child. Shouldn’t this be easier for you now that you don’t have a husband to lie to?”
She crossed her arms, and her surgically enhanced cleavage threatened to tumble out of the top of the skin-tight dress she wore. “You don’t have to throw that in my face. I apologized.”
It was a waste, talking about that anyway. He’d fallen out of love, or infatuation maybe, with Jill years ago. They had stayed together because of Bella. But when she’d cheated on him, he was out. “What do you want from me then?”
“I want you to take her full-time. We both know neither of us signed up for this whole parent thing. I never wanted to be a mom. You fell into this role much easier than I did.”
Panic slammed into his gut, and he forced himself to remain calm. That was never part of the plan. He had a demanding career. He saved lives; he wasn’t able to just put everything on hold while Jill had some kind of life crisis.
He stared at her, wondering how they’d gotten here. How he’d gotten here. He didn’t know how to be a father; he never had. When it was his turn to have Bella over, Brenda, their nanny, came along to help. “Okay. Fine. So, what? Weekends, every other weekend?”
She shook her head. “Maybe I can take her on holidays?”
He pushed off the door and stood straight as anger swept through him. “So, she stays with me every day and then you get her at Thanksgiving, Christmas…? What the hell, Jill?”
She shook her head, shrugging, her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t even…if you want her at holidays too, that’s fine.”
He looked down and swore. “It’s almost Christmas. What, you’re just going to fall of the face of the earth?”
She shrugged, embarrassment staining her cheeks red. “I wanted to go to Paris with Bruce.”
Revulsion slammed into his gut, but he forced himself to think clearly. “Let’s deal with this through our lawyers,” he said, needing physical distance from the woman who was even more selfish than him, not wanting to hear any more. He wasn’t thinking straight right now and didn’t want to agree to something he’d regret later.
“I knew I’d be able to count on you,” she whispered, taking a step closer to him, the smell of her Chanel perfume filling his nostrils. “I’ll make sure you’re well compensated.”
“I don’t need your money,” he said, backing up a step, disgust replacing the smell of Chanel. Jill came from a very wealthy family, but he didn’t need it. Just the idea of needing “compensation” to take care of his own daughter was revolting.
She gave a nod and a wobbly smile. “I’ll call you tomorrow. We can figure things out.”
He held onto the door frame tightly, giving her a nod. She turned and walked away, her lithe and sculpted body shown off to perfection in her clinging dress and three-inch heels. She gave him a wave before entering the elevator. He let the door close and slowly turned around, wondering what the hell he was going to do now.
Shame burned through his body as he saw Isabella standing at the end of the hallway. He stared into his daughter’s green eyes—his eyes—and he knew she’d heard. She’d heard them callously talk about her as though she were this worthless object neither of them wanted. They had broken her heart. He may have been an absentee father, but he wasn’t so far gone that witnessing the pain on her face wouldn’t affect him.
“Mommy doesn’t want me anymore?” she asked, her large eyes wide but void of tears.
He cleared his throat, and in all his years, all his mistakes, all his regrets, nothing had ever prepared him for the self-hate he felt at this moment, at hearing the pain in his daughter’s voice. He was better than this. His parents had raised him better than this. He was a smart man, but he didn’t know what to say, what he could do to make any of this better. “You are very loved, Bella. Your mother needs a little more time to…sort things out. Sometimes, adults need time on their own.”
She looked down at the ground, and he knew he should go over there, but he didn’t know what to do; he didn’t know how to comfort her. “Am I going to live with Brenda?”
The moment that Jill had told him she was pregnant flashed in front of him, their shock, their panic. They had never wanted to be parents. They had both mistakenly thought that if they could provide for their child, they were doing enough. There had been a nanny from day one, and they hadn’t missed a beat when it came to work. They never ate together, they never played together… He slowly walked to his daughter, each step feeling as though it would never be enough, that the divide was too great, that it was all too little, too late.
He stared down at his daughter’s head as shame suffocated him. She hadn’t even thought that living with him would be an option. She thought she would have to live with her nanny. He crouched down in front of her and reached out to gently grasp her little shoulders. “You’re going to live with me,” he said, waiting for something, even an ounce of relief, to flicker across her green eyes.
She looked nonplussed. “What happens if you need time alone away from me like Mommy?”
“I will never need time away from you,” he whispered hoarsely. He knew one thing about himself—he never broke his word. It was just that his words hadn’t been good enough this last decade, they hadn’t been about promises to other people, they’d been about promises to himself. He didn’t know if his word would be good enough, because Bella stared at him with skepticism.
“Okay, Daddy.”
He tried to smile, but it was a sorry attempt because there was nothing to be happy about. He and Jill were ruining her life.
He squeezed her shoulders gently, not knowing if she’d want a hug from him. But as he straightened to get up, she threw her arms around his neck. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her small body. When he felt a sob wrack her body, he lifted her up, for the first time in what seemed like years. How time had passed so quickly, how she’d gone from a baby to a little girl. How many firsts he’d missed, he’d taken for granted. How many scraped knees had he not known about, how many tears cried, how many laughs he hadn’t shared?
He rubbed her back and kissed her head and acted like the father that had raised him. He crossed the expansive great room of his apartment, stopping when he reached the floor-to-ceiling windows, and looked out at the sparkling Chicago skyline. Bella didn’t speak, but she held onto him as though he had everything she needed.
When had he changed? When had he become this kind of man? Where had he gone wrong?
He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and held onto his daughter tighter. Regret strangled him until it hurt to breathe. When he finally opened his eyes, the skyscrapers changed to mountain peaks and green pastures, ranches and horses, fields blanketed with pristine white snow…and he knew. The last time he’d been the person he was meant to be was home, in Montana.
He had a little girl to protect, to raise. He had to become a man, a father she could be proud of, a father she could count on. He held her close, and her little arms were still wrapped around his neck, and he knew this was his new beginning.
He kissed the top of her head again. “I love you, Bella. We’re going to be fine, just you and I.”
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