Abby and the Cute One
by Erin Butler
Copyright © 2015 by Erin Butler. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the Publisher.
Preface
Nathan Strong
Age: 16
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Hazel
Hometown: A little town in PA no one has ever heard of
Favorite song on debut album: The One
Turn ons: Drive and passion
His dream date: A night under the stars.
Quote to live by: “Seize the moment.”
Chapter One
Nathan
If Nathan Strong were any other sixteen-year-old guy, helping the gorgeous actress he’d just finished dinner with into her car would’ve been the perfect ending to a once-in-a-lifetime evening. Especially since he was sure she just slipped him her number.
Instead, he found it exhausting.
He didn’t even know how to take her slipping him her number. Or the way she’d fawned over him all dinner. The whole thing was a publicity stunt set up by LJ. And like a fool, Nathan had agreed to play along. Even though he didn’t feel a thing for this girl.
Nathan flashed his toothy grin the paparazzi seemed to love and then turned, stuffing the scrap of paper she’d gifted him into his pocket. Thrust into the spotlight as S2J’s most eligible bachelor was, hands down, the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. Winning Rockstars: Live! was a piece of cake next to dating celebrities and always having the right thing to say. He could’ve won that show five times over with how much his new responsibilities weighed him down.
Beau, his bodyguard, greeted him with a smile. “How did the date go with Miranda?”
Nathan shrugged. “Fine. Good. She was nice.”
His bodyguard chuckled. “Her name was Marissa. You might’ve heard of her. She’s kind of the next big thing.”
Did he not even know her name? He tended to tune out on these image dates LJ set him up on, but this was an all-time low.
It was true they’d all started to blend together. Miranda. Marissa. Melissa. Practiced. Rehearsed. They were only interested in one thing: what could Nathan do for them and their careers? Then again, that was also why LJ kept setting him up on the dates. They helped S2J by solidifying Nathan as the irresistible cute one. The baby of the group who was finally looking to find a girl of his own.
Where was Miles “the heartthrob” Carlisle when you needed him? Most likely talking to Aimee on the cell phone that had somehow permanently attached itself to his face. Nathan didn’t know cell phones could do that, but Miles was living, daily proof. As were Ryder and Trevin, who suffered from the same condition.
Nathan finally looked at Beau—what had he just said about Melissa? Something about her being a big thing? “And you know she’s the next big thing because…?”
He shrugged. “TV Guide. I have a lot of downtime.”
Downtime. The word became more foreign and harder to recall every day, like the perfect lyric, just out of reach. If Nathan wasn’t rehearsing with Seconds to Juliet, he was writing with the guys, sleeping, or dating.
He didn’t mean to complain. Not really. He loved singing and the band and the fans, but he didn’t sign up for all the extra-curricular stuff no one had mentioned when he was a kid dancing on his porch.
He kicked a pebble on the sidewalk and watched it fly down the street. If only it were that easy to get rid of the constant pressure. Meeting Beau’s gaze, he said, “I feel like a walk tonight. Meet you back at the hotel?”
Before Nathan could take a step, the bodyguard was in front of him, wearing his serious duty face. “You know I can’t let you do that, Nathan. There are people all over this street. You wouldn’t last thirty seconds before being recognized.”
It was a nice try. One Nathan knew he wouldn’t get away with, but on the off chance Beau took pity on him, he had to go for it. “I know. I just need to clear my head. How about a walk down by the river before we head back? It’s been a rough night.”
“Right. Real rough. It must be terrible to sit across from a pretty girl all night at a fancy restaurant.”
Nathan shook his head. “You have no idea.” Give him McDonald’s and The Tudors any night over this crap.
Beau sighed and eyed the trail ramp just to the left of the posh restaurant. A concrete walkway sloped down to a river overlook. It was deserted. There were streetlights. Nathan couldn’t see any reason Beau would say no. Still, the bodyguard hesitated.
Nathan’s heart contracted. He never asked for much. He’d taken on his new bachelor status with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, but right now, he really wanted to be alone. “Please. I just need five minutes. I’ll owe you one.”
Finally, Beau nodded and Nathan clapped him on the shoulder. “Thank you.” It was the most sincere thing he’d said all day.
As Nathan made his way down the ramp, footsteps echoed behind him. He stopped and looked back, only to find Beau following at a respectable distance.
Well, any other day Nathan would’ve thought it respectable, but apparently not today. With more assholishness than intended, he asked, “Can I be alone?”
All bodyguard now, Beau nodded once. He took his warrior stance next to the ramp, legs spread shoulder-width apart and arms crossed.
If Nathan didn’t know better, he’d be scared of him. Screaming mobs of teenage girls weren’t even the tiniest bit afraid, though. Nathan was convinced they weren’t scared of anything. At least anything that came between them and any of the five S2J guys.
Finally by himself, Nathan strolled down the ramp; skyscraper lights, bright whites, greens, and yellows, twinkled off the rippling water. Every now and then a blinking red light mirrored in the river. Nathan followed the city skyline up to the tallest building. An even taller antenna poked into the clouds blinking the warning red every few seconds.
Here by the water, he could pretend he wasn’t the one LJ counted on to keep the band at the top of the charts and the focus of the public’s attention. Sure, they were still selling out stadiums, but public interest had taken a nosedive. LJ’s explanation? Four out of the five of them now had girlfriends. Nathan was the only single guy left, which put all of the pressure on him.
LJ’s brand new scheme put Nathan front and center in the spotlight. The media played him up as Seconds to Juliet’s newest and cutest eligible bachelor. All he had to do was act available but not be available. He needed to be the dream for the hundreds of thousands of teen girls who wanted S2J.
LJ had called it. He said the fans would be tripping over themselves to be the one to steal Nathan’s heart. He was right. The craziness surrounding him only intensified every time there was a picture of him in some magazine holding open a door for his date or handing some random girl flowers at one of their shows.
Nathan didn’t mind helping out. Really. It was just the stress of it all. And the fact that it was all fake. He wanted someone he had real feelings for. Real passion. Someone whose every look didn’t remind him that it was all a game.
What else was he supposed to do, though? The image dates were obviously working, and the possibility of Nathan finding a real relationship was slim. The only people he spent enough time around to even have the possibility of falling for them were the roadies and stylists who worked for S2J and any opening acts. After the drama with Miles and Paige, LJ had put a hard no on any of the band dating any of the other “talent.” If Nathan wanted romance, he’d have to accept the fake kind that came from fake dates.
Fake. Fake. Fake.
“I’m not a fairy tale girl, no one’s going to save me.”
Nathan stopped at the voice, his neck craning to find the source. A little ways down the trail, he spotted a shadowy figure singing into her fists.
A loud groan interrupted the song. The girl shook out her hands and started again. “I’m not a fairy tale girl, no one’s going to save me.”
Curious, Nathan walked toward the voice. It was haunting yet beautiful. Such a rich tone. He was so caught up in it he didn’t notice the empty soda can a step away until he accidentally kicked it. In the peaceful night, the rattling of the aluminum against cement sounded like a jackhammer.
The singing stopped, and Nathan cursed himself for ruining it. He could’ve listened to her voice all night.
Surrounded by a pool of light from the overhead trail lights, Nathan reached for the can. When he looked up, the girl’s eyes widened. So she recognized him, but weirder still, she seemed familiar, too.
Before he could think too much into it, she spoke. “Holy crap.”
She froze as if any sudden movement would make him skitter away. Nathan couldn’t help but laugh at the mixed emotions on her face. Scared, confused, excited, awed. Her cheeks reddened.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I couldn’t help myself.” He threw the can into the recycling bin, walked toward her, and held out his hand. “Hi. It’s nice to meet you.” He didn’t bother giving his name—she obviously already knew.
The girl bit her lip and eyed his outstretched hand. She was wearing a cute beach dress just revealing enough to make his stare linger in some areas. Her collarbone flirted with the off-shoulder straps that also showed off a long neck partially hidden by flowing blond hair. When she finally did smile at Nathan, it cut right through him.
The girl took his hand and shook it once. When she stepped back, she eyed him and toyed with her lip. “I’m sorry, I just…can’t believe you’re here right now. How crazy.”
Crazy? Crazy was the way his pulse thumped at his wrists. Talk about instant attraction. This girl was beyond beautiful—she was gorgeous. Much prettier than the dolled-up mannequin he’d walked to the car only minutes ago.
“What are you doing here?” she stammered.
Nathan loved those kinds of questions. Wasn’t it obvious? He walked in a circle and then lifted his foot toward her, wiggling it around for good measure. “Walking.”
She smiled, which Nathan counted on, but she also did something else no one had done to him in a long time: she rolled her eyes.
It was…awesome. The realness of it all made him smile.
She curled her long blond hair behind her ears. “Obviously you’re walking, but what are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be surrounded by an entourage or something?” She peered over his shoulder. “Are the rest of the guys with you?”
The hopeful look on her face socked him in the gut. Would she have preferred another member of S2J? “I’m afraid it’s just me tonight. Sorry to disappoint.”
“No, I mean…” She blushed. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just usually when you’re around, so are they. I mean, I really wouldn’t know, but in pictures, and when you’re singing…”
Nathan couldn’t argue with that logic. He’d spent more time with Seconds to Juliet than his own family over the past two years. Hell, even the hair and makeup staff knew more about him now than his own sister did.
“Was that you singing? I heard the voice of an angel earlier.” He pretended to look around her back. “But I don’t see any wings.”
Nathan’s cheeks flamed hotter than the Arizona desert. Had he really just said that? He’d tried to channel his inner heartthrob, but it just didn’t sound right on him. Miles sounded cool, smooth even. Nathan, on the other hand, sounded like a lonely sixteen-year-old who watched too many romantic comedies.
She smiled, and before Nathan could convince himself it was just to humor him, the way the streetlight lit up her face struck a chord with him again. “Do I know you?” he asked. “You seem familiar.”
“Trust me, I’d remember if we met before. I’m a huge Seconds to Juliet fan. I’m Abby Curtis, by the way. I’m auditioning to be your opening act tomorrow.”
He did know her. She’d covered “The One” on her YouTube channel. A fan had tweeted him the link a couple months ago. He’d heard she even got a recording deal out of it, which he wasn’t surprised about. She had a killer voice. “I do know you. Sweet cover of ‘The One.’”
A faint red tint bloomed on her cheeks as she studied her flip-flops. “Thanks. I didn’t know if you guys had seen it.”
He wanted to tell her to stop hiding her face. She was so pretty yet seemed humble at the same time. So different than the actress he’d just left who knew she was beautiful and worked it—and her celebrity status—to her advantage.
Nathan bent over to meet her eyes, hoping she’d get the hint and look up, maybe even smile at him again. “The slower arrangement was killer.”
She finally did look up. “Yeah?”
He smiled at her even redder cheeks; at least he wasn’t the only one embarrassed. “The song you were just singing, is that your audition song?”
She shook her head. “No. That’s a little song I’m trying to figure out. It’s not telling me everything yet, though.”
Nathan grinned. Had this girl swam around in his brain before? Weird as it sounded, he knew exactly what she meant.
He took a seat on the nearest bench, hoping she’d sit, too. After a few moments of eyeing the bench, then Nathan, then back again, she sat—a good foot and a half away. He slid a little closer.
For a while, they just sat there, city sounds behind them and nothing but the quiet river in front. Surprised Beau was letting him stay out so long, he glanced back. The bodyguard still stood at the top of the ramp, eyes trained forward and surveying. Nathan wasn’t naïve enough to think Beau hadn’t noticed him talking to somebody, but he appreciated the space.
He turned back around and caught Abby staring at him. “You excited about the audition?” he asked.
“Yes…and no. I think I might be more nervous. I have a tiny issue with stage fright.” She smiled, but then it fell right off like a sack of rocks over a cliff. “Probably shouldn’t have mentioned that to you.”
“Don’t worry. Anything you say here will not be used against you tomorrow. Promise.”
She smiled again, but this time the full power of her grin blasted her target—him. It did funny things to his stomach. Hopefully she couldn’t see right through to his traitorous butterflies. Some suave bachelor he was turning out to be.
The guys would be so ashamed. Hell, he was ashamed. Nathan Strong was a pop star. He was supposed to be the new smooth member of the group, not falling all over himself because of a girl. For crying out loud, he sang love songs to thousands of girls almost every night, and he couldn’t handle talking to just one?
If Miles wouldn’t pick on him relentlessly, Nathan might even ask for advice on how to act so cool around pretty girls. It was clear he needed it.
She sighed. “I don’t know if it was the same for you when you made it on Rockstars: Live! but it’s hard to be close to your dreams yet still so far away. I thought getting the record deal was my dream. Turns out it’s not. What good is it if I haven’t shared my songs, and me, yet?”
He turned toward her, eyes wide. Everything she said sounded so familiar, as if Nathan had said or thought the exact same thing many times before but had never been able to vocalize it in that way. “I get it. You just want to share your little piece of the world with everybody.”
She beamed. “Exactly.”
“Well, what does your label say? When are you going to start recording?”
Abby shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean…my take on the whole thing? I’m not sure they know what to do with me. All I’m known for now is covers of really great songs other people have written. But I’ve been up front with them from the beginning that I want to write my own stuff.”
Nathan knew from experience that was a difficult battle to win. Ryder was a great example of the end result if you didn’t get your way. “You should stick to your guns. If you record something you’re not one hundred percent behind, it’ll weigh on you.”
Abby gazed at the river and, after a moment, she nodded once, almost as if she’d made up her mind to go down fighting. Maybe his words would help her in the struggle she likely had in front of her.
“So, can I ask you about the tour? Is it all work and no play? What do you guys do for fun?”
Nathan’s brain went on autopilot. “Well, we play a lot of—”
She pointed a finger at him. “Do not give me your rehearsed answer, either. I’ve read too many S2J articles to know what you’ve already told everyone else. I want the real answer.”
Nathan laughed. He hadn’t even realized he had a rehearsed answer, but when so many of the same questions were asked day in and day out, it was easy to have a go-to answer that pleased everyone. “Truth is, we do play a lot of video games. We’re together a lot, but we also find time to do our own thing, too. Like earlier today, we got stuck in traffic. I read some fan mail while Trevin and Miles played video games. Ryder was talking to Mia, and Will was…well, not sure. Whatever he was doing he was quiet about it.”
“So, you have downtime to call home and stuff?”
Nathan hesitated. It was that word again…downtime. Nathan Strong would say: I always make time for the people I care about. But for some reason, he wanted to be honest with her. Real. “Yeah…I wouldn’t say we have tons of time to do that, but you just have to squeeze it in when you can. It might mean you’re calling home at midnight after a show, but as long as you have a cool family, it should work out.”
She asked him about his daily routine and nodded the whole time he explained. She was probably asking in case she got the gig, so he went into a lot of detail about everything except his pretend dates. That he was keeping to himself. He didn’t know a lot about impressing girls, but he figured that was one way to get turned down real quick.
He talked longer than necessary, half selfishly to keep them talking and half actually trying to be helpful. He loved the way Abby listened as if she were actually interested in the answers. He was so used to talking to reporters who were always three questions ahead of him in their heads, or to his blind dates who really only loved to talk about themselves. But Abby was different. She wanted to know him.
“And do you have any days off in a row when you could go home? Take a break?”
Nathan laughed. A break? With his full schedule? “Not on this tour. We were supposed to have time off, then we added the international leg. It’s cool to be headed overseas, and I’m excited, but it’s a long time to be gone.”
Abby nodded. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I know I’ll miss my mom. I mean, if I happen to get the job.”
Nathan didn’t know how to help her in the loneliness department except to tell her to keep busy. He should probably get more homesick than he’d been lately, but LJ was always talking to him about the band in the spare moments he did have that he never had the chance to even think about feeling lonely.
As if she read his mind, she asked, “When do you think you’ll be seeing your mom and sister again?”
That was one thing he’d never get used to. People he’d never met before knew almost everything about him before ever meeting him. It was unfair. That knowledge put them a step ahead of him.
He shrugged. “Since we’re on the East Coast leg of the tour, I think they’ll try to at least come to one show.”
Abby frowned. “Just one?”
He waved her frown away. “They’ve been with me since the beginning. I don’t think S2J is all that exciting to them anymore.”
Truth was, he didn’t want to talk about his family. His mom was about to head home after being on a yacht with some new guy for most of the summer, and his sister was spending her break with college friends. Even if he did have time to think about going home, they wouldn’t even be there.
It was time to change the subject—after all, he’d unintentionally let her ask most of the questions. “I feel like I’m doing all the talking. Tell me something about you.”
Abby picked at the hemline of her dress. “I—” She caught her lip between her teeth. “I don’t know. I guess I’m kind of boring.”
“That’s not possible,” Nathan said. She’d been the most interesting person he’d spoken to in a while. “I can tell there’s so much more to you, Abby Curtis, you’re just not sharing.”
The line could’ve passed as a corny heartthrob line, but it was the truth. It was nice to sit and talk with someone about things that actually mattered—and not just business, either. Sharing his voice—his music—was why he wanted to do this in the first place. Why he spent time after school rehearsing instead of joining the neighborhood kids in a basketball game.
“Well, there is one thing.” The corner of Abby’s mouth turned up. “I’m really into The Vampire Diaries. Do you watch that?” She didn’t even give him time to respond before launching into a spiel. “It’s so good. I’m more of a Stefan girl myself, but most everyone else I know is in love with Damon. Then there’s the spin-off, The Originals. I was hoping it would be all about Caroline getting with Klaus, but unfortunately it’s not. The show’s good, though. It takes place in New Orleans. I would love to go there one day.”
Nathan smiled as Abby’s eyes lit up. He’d been to New Orleans and loved it. Even though he didn’t know her all that well, he hoped she’d be able to go one day. It was too bad the tour had already passed that part of the U.S., because he’d take her there himself if he had the chance. “I’ll have to check those shows out.”
“You’ll have to tell me if you like them. I mean, if we get the chance.”
Abby sulked back on the bench. Was she thinking what he was thinking? Would they ever get to talk like this again? He wanted to tell her how he liked watching The Tudors whenever he did have a bit of spare time. How he loved getting to live in someone else’s world for a change. But Beau wasn’t going to sit back and let them talk all night long.
Abby tapped a rhythm with her fingers on her leg.
Curious, Nathan asked, “When did you start singing?”
“I was late, I guess. I mean, that’s what everyone tells me. I really didn’t get interested in it until I was about ten or so.”
“Really? I guess that isn’t the answer you normally hear. What was it about music that got you started?”
If he thought Abby’s cheeks were red before, he must’ve been colorblind—they were now fire engine red. She thought for a while before answering. “It takes you places, like reading a great book. I can have so many emotions in just one song. Add myself singing and playing guitar and the emotion can be overwhelming. I’m sharing my soul with whoever will listen.”
Her words sunk deep into his pores, lighting his limbs on fire with energy.
And then—an idea. He stood and offered her his hand before he chickened out.
She glanced at it and then up to him, questions in her eyes.
“How do you feel about dancing to music?” he asked.
Abby straightened. “There’s no music.”
“Baby…I’m a pop star. You don’t think I can make music?”
She giggled into the back of her hand.
Proud of himself for actually flirting without messing up, Nathan turned his phone on and scrolled through his music library. He decided on an oldie but a goodie.
Otis Redding’s smooth, beat-perfect voice poured through the speakers as he sang “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay.” Not only were their surroundings perfect for this song, but it also reminded him of what he’d been through to get here. Leaving home, following a dream…it was as if Otis had written the song for him. Now that he knew more about Abby, he might as well have written the song for her, too.
Abby slid her hand into Nathan’s palm, and he pulled her up. After a few awkward moments, they both fell into the rhythm and lull of the music. She laid her head on his shoulder and he pulled her closer, aligning their bodies.
When he reached around her back, his fingertips brushed bare skin. He had to swallow; cotton mouth dried up his throat. With his height advantage and the way she curled into him, Nathan had a perfect view of the back of Abby’s dress and his hand lying against her creamy skin. The exact opposite of the front, the back revealed her shoulders and some of her spine. He’d never seen anything so stunning before—at least, not in person.
She might not have an angel’s feathers, but she was as radiant as one.
He pressed the small of her back toward him, and she shifted forward. She adjusted her head on his shoulder and sang quietly into his ear. A thrill shot through him when he recognized Otis Redding’s lyrics in her voice. Half of him couldn’t believe she actually knew the words to this song.
He closed his eyes and picked up at the chorus. Together, they sang about sitting next to the ocean and watching the waves. With Otis’s beautiful melody, Nathan had no problem picturing him and Abby on a dock, their legs swinging over the water as they peered out over a beautiful blue bay.
When they got to the bridge, Abby stopped singing and pulled away just enough to watch him sing. Her stare roamed all over his face.
He was too into the music to be embarrassed. That was why he loved songs so much— the emotion just a few notes and lyrics could rain down on you…he agreed with Abby wholeheartedly on that point.
Otis singing about being tired and on his own resonated with him the most at this moment. Actually having Abby in his arms made him realize what he’d been missing. Responsibility had torn Nathan into pieces. The longer he sang for Abby, the more those pieces melded together. By the time Otis’s whistling played, Nathan and Abby weren’t dancing anymore—instead, they were frozen in each other’s arms. Hell, Nathan had barely taken a breath. One wrong move and this moment would disappear in a heartbeat. One right move, though…
Nathan swallowed the gigantic lump in his throat and tilted his head. He slanted his mouth over Abby’s and met her soft lips. He kissed her gently, passionately, the only kiss an Otis Redding song would call for.
She melted into him, their bodies instinctively lining up. His heart hammered in his chest as he thanked all the other guys for hooking up with their girlfriends. If they hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been in this exact spot with this exact girl in this exact, wonderful moment.
“JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG.”
Abby jumped back.
Nathan gasped, silently cursing Otis’s short song and stupid Three Dog Night’s loud intro to “Joy to the World.” When he rounded up the courage to look at Abby, her fingers were on her lips.
Distracted, he pressed down on his phone several times, but the music still blared from the speakers. She giggled and he laughed as he kept tapping the stupid screen until the song paused. “There. That’s better.”
She smiled, then her gaze drifted to his left and she frowned. Beau was strolling toward them—and he didn’t look happy.
No. That wasn’t enough time. They’d barely spoken, let alone started the good part. There was still so much more he needed to know besides that Abby Curtis was perfect for him and one hell of a kisser. Not that he had much experience to go on, but any girl that could make him feel like that must’ve been an incredible kisser.
Beau’s gaze infiltrated Nathan’s sourness. “You’ve got a full schedule tomorrow, and the guys want to lay down a track tonight. LJ is blowing up my phone.”
- The band. Shit.
He mentally slapped his forehead. He’d broken the one rule he was intent on keeping so he could keep the band together for them all—be available but don’t be available. How had Abby made him forget everything for a few moments?
Panicked, he glanced around. The night was still quiet. No sign of paparazzi anywhere. That was a hell of a good sign, considering he’d let his guard down and Abby had no problem seeping right into him within a matter of minutes.
He turned toward her, wanting to apologize for having to leave but also for himself. He shouldn’t have let that happen. “I’m so sorry.”
A small smile curved her lips as she nodded. “I get it. You’re busy. Don’t worry about it.”
Nathan ran his hands through his hair. He couldn’t just leave her here like this—he wasn’t that guy. Turning to Beau, he asked, “Give us one sec?”
Beau looked like he wanted to do anything but that, but he turned and made his way back up the ramp anyway.
“Have you got a ride somewhere?”
Abby pointed to one of the tall buildings close to them. “That’s where we’re staying.”
Nathan’s mind went south quick, but a late night rendezvous at a hotel wasn’t on his schedule. In fact, it was on the Never Do This Unless You Want to Lose All Your Fans in One Night list, so it shouldn’t have even popped into his head.
He had big problems, but Abby couldn’t be the solution.
“Um…” Abby peered at her feet but then met his stare head on. “Thanks for the talk. And for the dance. You have a beautiful voice. It’s not every day a girl gets a dance and a song from Nathan Strong.”
He smiled, too. “No, I guess not.”
She pressed a quick kiss to Nathan’s cheek. “I’ll see you around.”
Shocked, Nathan’s fingers touched his tingling skin as she walked away. He could still feel the press of her lips there, but it was almost as if it were a dream, just an impression of something that hadn’t really happened.
“Good luck tomorrow,” he called after her.
Abby walked backward for a few strides, flashing him one of her killer smiles. She waved once then turned back, the dark night swallowing her silhouette right in front of his eyes.
He knew he’d screwed up the “don’t be available” thing, but with the memory of Abby’s lips still vivid, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. At least not yet.