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Fake it until you make it…
The Proposal: Adeline Rigby will live with Accountant Jack Foster and pretend to be his fake fiancée for one month in order for him to seal a promotion to partner. In return, Accountant Jack Foster will intimately tutor Adeline Rigby in French before she leaves for Paris where she will fulfill her dream of attending Le Cordon Bleu.
1. Maintain distance. Three get-to-know-you dates before announcing their engagement will be tempting enough.
2. No kissing. Okay, fine. Three kisses. Maybe four. And neck kisses don’t count.
3. No touchy feely stuff. Or at least not too many public displays of touchy-feely stuff.
4. No sex.
5. All right, all right. One night of sex in order to be a believable engaged couple.
6. Two nights of mind-blowing sex to make sure first night wasn’t a fluke.
Lisa Wells always knew there would come a time in her life when she'd pursue her dream career as a romance author. This is that time. Before this moment, she's enjoyed a rollercoaster journey called - The Middle School Counselor - Dramas, Dreams, and Destinies. After many years of working with teenage girls, she knows when one comes in baffled because another girl hates her, the first question to ask is - "Did you steal her boyfriend?" Nine times out of ten the answer is some form of yes but.... While Lisa enjoys working with adolescents, she writes for adults. Her books contain: Sex, Scowls & Sass.
Adeline Rigby sat at one end of the makeshift bar, swirling the wine in her glass and watching its thin red legs crawl along the curved goblet. Her goal: not to make eye contact with the Passion Party sales representative sitting at the other end of the bar who wanted to sell Adeline a purple vibrator.
Frisky women were animatedly chatting all around her. Thirty frisky women. She knew there were thirty because she counted them. Twice. And she knew they were frisky, because they weren’t whispering their conversations.
Five of the guests were talking with Charlie, the sale’s representative, about multiple orgasms. Charlie was hosting tonight’s sex toys/pole dancing/book signing party at a dance studio. And if you didn’t want to buy a purple vibrator to go with the sexy romance book being sold, Charlie was a woman to be avoided at all costs.
Kinley Foster, Adeline’s friend and a New York Times Bestselling Romance Author, thus the book signing portion of tonight’s shindig, didn’t warn Adeline about Charlie before the party started. And after a fifteen-minute sales pitch in which Adeline couldn’t get a word in, Adeline heard herself blurting to Charlie, “Masturbation is against my religion.”
Maybe she should have just bought the handy-dandy orgasm toy. See if it lived up to the hype.
“Ladies, it’s time for pole dancing,” an attractive woman said. She wore an off-the-shoulder seamless black mini dress with lots of cut-out details.
Adeline half listened, her attention still on the women talking about multiple orgasms. In Adeline’s experience, multiple orgasms were a myth. Much like the happy-ever-afters spouted about in the romance books Kinley wrote.
“And I understand we have a volunteer to help me demonstrate the moves,” the instructor said. “Adeline, where are you? Raise your hand.”
Adeline turned her attention to the wooden dance floor. To the dance instructor. The woman had straight blond hair with bright pink tips. Adeline raised her hand.
“Let’s give Adeline a big hand for volunteering,” the perky instructor said.
Kinley magically appeared in front of Adeline. “Aren’t you the lucky one? You’re going to get one-on-one lessons with Maggie.” Kinley took Adeline’s glass of wine from her tight grasp and turned her toward the dance floor.
Adeline planted her feet. “I didn’t volunteer,” she said in a low whisper.
Kinley set her lips in a firm line. “Don’t be a spoilsport. You get to go first. And besides, this way you won’t have to worry about dirty hands being on the stripper pole before you.”
“Oh.” Kinley had a good point. Adeline started to say so but got distracted by the sight of two men coming out of one door that maybe led to an office or something, and leaving Tu-Tus through the main entrance off the studio area. Da-amn their asses were fine.
“What are you waiting for?” Kinley said. “Go.” She smiled like a tipsy angel at Adeline. “Everyone, this is Adeline. She doesn’t know how to have fun. Let’s help her have some fun.”
“Ad-e-line…Ad-e-line…Ad-e-line,” the party-goers chanted.
Adeline found herself moving toward the floor of poles. “I should have drank more,” she mumbled. It was one thing to learn to pole dance with thirty other women learning to do the dirty tango at the same time, but to be on display while they watched her learn was a whole other thing.
“Hi Adeline, I’m Maggie Oliver. Have you ever pole danced before?”
“I line-danced in fifth grade. Does that count?” Adeline’s voice came out squeaky.
The instructor laughed. “Not even a little bit. The first thing you need to do is learn how to stand like a dancer. I’d like for you to roll your shoulders back and stand tall. Like this.”
Adeline mimicked the instructor’s stance.
“Grasp the pole with your right hand and stand up on your toes.”
With more attitude than grace, Adeline did as she was told. “Now what?” She did her best not to think about all of the other hands that had been on this instrument of male sexual fantasies.
“You’re going to dance-walk around the pole,” Maggie said.
“Yeah, I’m going to need a little more instruction than that.”
Maggie laughed. “Lucky for you, that’s what I’m here for. With your inside foot, step, then bring the other foot forward, sort of dragging the big toe as you go. So it’s step…drag, step…drag, step…drag, step…drag. You’ll do that to a count of eight.”
Adeline took a step with her right foot, and then dragged her left foot forward, leading with her big toe. “Got it.”
“Let’s try it with some music,” Maggie said. “I’ll count, you step.”
Adeline nodded. Stood up on her toes.
“One, two. Three, four. Five, six. Seven, eight.”
Adeline avoided glancing at the wall of mirrors out of fear it would confirm she resembled an overweight ballerina with a broken leg. Instead, she concentrated on following the instructions. Stepping on the odd numbers and dragging on the evens. She circled the pole for three eight counts before caving to curiosity and sneaking an eight-count peek in the mirror. Ugh. Jennifer Lopez she wasn’t.
“Okay.” Maggie turned off the music. “Great job. Next, I want you to lean your back against the pole, and then raise your right arm and wrap it behind the pole and grasp.”
“Perfect. Now slowly slide your back down the pole, and, as you do, start to open your legs at the knees. Time it so that when your ass touches your heels your knees are spread wide open.”
Adeline grimaced. “You really want me to spread my legs for a bunch of drunk women who’ve been purchasing vibrators and romance books all night?”
“Imagine your dream man is the only one watching,” Maggie countered.
Adeline took a deep breath and tried the move. It wasn’t pretty. She slid like there were patches of glue catching her back and holding her, forcing her to jerk to get loose.
The audience laughed.
She laughed with them.
On the third try, she decided to do what Maggie suggested. Imagined her dream man. Since she didn’t have a dream man, her brain conjured up the ass of one of the men she’d seen leaving earlier. He’d been wearing a fedora, and she sort of had a thing for men in fedoras. Magically, she slid down the pole like a pro.
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Maggie cheered.
Her audience hooted and hollered like the horny drunks they were.
Adeline took a bow and then took a step toward the bar.
“Where are you going?” Maggie asked.
“To sanitize my hands.”
Maggie’s eyes crinkled around the corners. “Stay put. It’s everyone’s turn. Anyone who wants to learn can come on up. Adeline and I will help you with the stepping, and then I’m going to teach all of you to twirl and hang upside down. And, if you like, I’ll teach you a move that I guarantee will drive your man wild.”
“Guaranteed to drive a man wild?” Adeline was skeptical. But learning to swing upside down did sort of sound like fun.
“Guaranteed,” replied Maggie.
Adeline grabbed her pole with both hands. “Let’s do this.”